Dark Knight's Weblog

Back again. Yes, am feeling lot better now. I slept and ate lots of soups, and now that bitch, cold, is gone. Well not entirely but am feeling I rule solely over my body.

So in these sick days, I watched television a lot. THE BIG BOSS certainly making headlines now and then. I also watched some movies and again after 5-6 months I watched Swadesh. Every time I watch this movie, I get depressed and feel helpless. I always feel, we haven’t done enough to develop our country.

When I shared this thought to one of my friend, he said,

“I know. We have loads of problem and even political chaos will never be solved. Corruption will be there and I won’t get good opportunity here. Once I get visa, then I will be free from all these chaos.”

And I remained there speechless. I was hoping for answer that someday we will work together and at least bring change in someone’s life. But the answer was totally different from my expectation. What was I supposed to say? Give him lecture on why you should love your country and help rebuild it? To tell him all this what have I done for my country? May be it was my mistake that I was expecting another Mohan Bhargava (or at least some answers like that) and Swati is right everyone (well lets not say NRI) is not Mohan Bhargava.

Having said all these, I also thought about myself a lot. What have I done to bring change in existing problem? Every problem that is shown in Swadesh is also identical to Nepal. Yes, geographic differences are there but not problems. We do have caste and gender problem. Still in many parts, Dalits are treated unfairly. People from so called higher class don’t even let them inside their house. Just 34% girls have access to education as compared to 63% male literacy rate. Overall literacy percentage is just 48%. 31% population is still below the poverty line who merely earns $1 a day.  Unemployment rate is over 42% and per capita income is just $350. So you can imagine how’s Nepal’s general life is. Still there are people who haven’t seen how a truck might look like or how electric bulb lightens the room. According to government nearly 600 Nepali youths leave for foreign employment and even government doesn’t have statistic of people leaving Nepal through India. (Thanks to remittance, our economy is still growing). I bet, now you know how Nepal is.

Except running radio show on livelihood information, I have done nothing. And also this is funded by INGOs and once the budget is finished, so will program. So I can’t be proud here too.

And what could I do to change this?

Would I be same like my friend few years down?

Am down with flu…. severe cold has gripped me resulting fever and bodyache.

Just letting you guys know.

Few things I am addicted to now:
Reading books. (Have got piles of books to be read)
Facebook (Ahh, again!! I spent more time in facebook than in work )
Watching CNN/BBC (Don’t know why? May b trying to be up-to-date and impress people )

I hate but I am doing:
Meeting… lots of meeting
Writing endless reports
Planning work strategies (I hate it)

I need
Shoes… lots of shoes (am shoe-holic )
Few jeans too
Bag
May b iPhone?

I am planning to
Do lots of shopping as soon as I get my paycheck
Go to vacation (but don’t know where)

It’s been a week… and I think now it’s time for cry baby to move on. I cried enough, ate enough and slept enough. Now no more eating (I might turn to fat-sick-looking-boy ) and no more sleeping (got loads of work ). And obviously, I need to save tears for future heart-breaks too.

Now nothing matters, not even his sorry messages. I know if I succumbed to his words, I will find myself again in same state after few months. So it will be good for us to move on. So my life’s another chapter is closed. May be some years later, I might open chapter and feel “what if“, but I will leave it for future.

And thank you all for support. Your words meant a lot to me. Thank you all

In these last 4 days, many things happened. Some good, some bad of course. Where shall I begin with… let’s start with bad news:

Andy and I talked about us. We talked, we complained and I realized, may be I am running after wrong guy. We like each other, there’s no second thought on this. But sometimes only this is not enough. He has his own busy world and I don’t belong there. After much difficulty, he takes out time but my time doesn’t fit in that. I too have job, friends, studies like him, and for how long should I consider only his problem. It’s like long-distance relationship, only difference was, both of us are in same city.

I need someone who helps me with coffee after hectic day, someone who has enough time to listen to my babbles, someone I could listen to hours, someone with whom I could go to sleep feeling secured and happy, someone……..

I know all these might sound cheesy and flimsy but I am sorry, I need these. I know I care about him but I love myself most. So I told him this clearly. It was hard for me but I had to do this. (I know many of you might call me fool, but yes I am an emotional fool and I can’t help it.)

On brighter note: thanks to my friends, I had very good weekend. We went to cinema, we went to beautiful Kakani (very famous hill-station), went to observe and be part of Indra Jatra (loved it), had good gatherings and small party. They don’t know why i am so melancholic but are trying hard to cheer me up. Thank you guys!!

Why i am writing this? Coz i am planning to have weekend away from blogsphere, somewhere in woods lol

My schedule for this weekend is packed. I need to attend my nephew’s cultural show, I am going to watch nepali movie Sano Sansar which looks sweet. I am also going to meditation center (though not to meditate, just for few good time pass). And then Sunday’s Indra Jatra, a festival. I love to see bustling crowd, all happy and enjoying. [you can learn more about Indra Jatra here too: Shutterbug]

I think Kathmandu is the most happy city. Why? Because it celebrates so many festivals and gathering. I don’t think any city celebrates the year more than Kathmandu does. The festival season is in full swing now. I love it.

I will try my best to be back to blog, but don’t know. Have a rocking weekend guys!!

OK here’s another tagging game. I know it sounds so stupid and silly, but sometimes its fun to go through such chain games

BTW no one tagged me this game. I just happen to pass through some blogs and i liked this game. So without being tagged, here i am, all set to tag others

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
RULE #2 Tag 5 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
Umm hard to say. But I think I will do nothing. I will just eat and sleep for I don’t know how many days

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
Making my company next Microsoft or Google.

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
Politicians. They do nothing except blame game.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
I would go on world tour and do all those things I dream of.

5. Will you u fall in love with your best friend?
Nope. hehehe

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
being loved by someone

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
It depends. Can’t say!

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Move on. The world is big pond.

9. If you like to act with someone, who will it be? your gf/bf or an actress/actor?
Morgan Freeman. He’s incredibly talented.

10. What takes you down the fastest?
Jealousy

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
Happily ever after with someone I really love hehe

12. What’s your fear?
Losing everything that i have

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Since no one tagged me, so no opinion. But want to see the reaction of those who I tagged.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
single and rich

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
check my cell.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
Saying all would be lie. But I will give Most though

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
Someone who loves me back too :d

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
Depends. But seeing my past, I think I will.

19.Do you prefer being single or having a relationship?
Having relationship of course

20. List 6 people to tag
Kris, Psalm, Swati, Chandni, Prash, Pepe

P.S. I wanted to tag all those i could. So what i couldn’t, others will do it

Lately I am having some really, really bad dreams.

• I was laughing with Andy. Suddenly he got call and ran for hospital. Then I got call few minutes later saying Andy just had accident. And I woke up in sweats
• Andy and I were somewhere in park having lunch. He was teasing me making those scary faces. And suddenly his face changed to my colleague, the one with whom I went on trip.
• I am walking on some really beautiful beach. And people are having so much fun. And suddenly big waves came and washed away everything.
• Someone is stalking me. I try to run away but I got stuck in something and can’t move. And I see that person in hood is approaching me.

I know these are just random dreams. But still… I fear of having these recurring dreams so I don’t go to sleep till late hours. What’s happening to me??

Am not stressed, am not worried and am not having any difficulties. But still, I wonder why i see these dreams?

P.S. Andy and I, still haven’t talked much. Just in hello, bye conversation state. And i am ok with this

Nowadays something is wrong with me I guess. I don’t enjoy hanging around with my friends, don’t know why.

Last Friday, my friend gave us treat for her new job. There was gossiping and jokes on, but all I did was, just eating. I showed my fake laughter and was wishing may be I should have been with Andy. He had in fact called me but since, my friend from kindergarten days had invited me, so how could I refuse her?

Speaking about this group, actually these are the only friends I have who really care about me. I used to enjoy every single moment with them, but now I think something has changed. I am not being able to figure it out.

After the party, I went to Andy’s apartment. And I was so happy to be with him, but he was busy in chatting with his friends. We didn’t talk much, I tried though to which he just replied, yes and no. So feeling pissed, I also watched the tv and went to sleep. He was at other side of the bed and I was on other side. Sleeping there I felt as if I don’t have place to stay, so he pitied me and I was there. In the morning I woke up at 8.30, became fresh and left for home. He just said goodbye. Since then he texted me twice to which I just replied in yes, no answer. I am not feeling like calling him or texting him. He too may be feeling same. If he fails to understand me, fine. Let it be. Why should I be the one to say sorry every time something goes wrong, though it might not be my fault?

But despite these, I had very good weekend. I hanged around a lot on my own, went even to zoo and Pashupatinath Temple and enjoyed the feeling of being self. I did lot of reading and watching movies. I have been reading Jhumpa Lahiri’s Unaccustomed Earth and Khalid Hosseini’s A Thousand Splendid Suns is on waiting list. I left Dan Brown’s Digital Fortress in midway through though. Felt bored with the maths and all those numeric stuffs.

I watched Rock On again. Spend the money on I don’t know what. But all I know is, now I am broke. Anyway I think I might not be spending money on parties. Our new Home Minister has ordered the closure of night life by 11 PM. And police are strictly enforcing the law. But this won’t be problem for me.

Instead I will enjoy home, reading books or watching tv.

I think this became another of my frustrating post. But can’t help it.

Unplanned and wild, that’s how I define my recent trip.

As everyone knows (if not, pls see my previous post) the trip was supposed to be just for 2 days i.e. Saturday and Sunday. We made plan only on Thursday, confirmed it on Friday and chaldiye on Saturday. We, me and my colleague, hired one van and started our journey.

BTW this is the same colleague that I talked about sometime back. remember?

The road was half graveled, half black-topped, there was heavy erosion happening because of rain, so the ride was very bumpy. After painful 5 hours ride, finally we reached Hetauda, 132 Km from Kathmandu. The hectic schedule was waiting for us. So we just threw the bag at hotel and ran to meet the schedules. After lots of talking and discussions, finally the job was done. And we returned back to hotel.

We were hungry and thirsty. And the more problem was, hotel room was kinda dirty. We had asked the hotel to change everything but no, they hadn’t done anything. I had to shout again and finally they changed the sheets and pillow covers. We had another bakwas dinner. Tired, I wanted to jump to sleep but he didn’t want. He said he couldn’t sleep in new place. So he made me woke up till 1 in the morning. Finally I resigned and went to sleep.

Second day was another hectic day. Another round of meeting people, holding discussion and doing lots of talking. We were supposed to be going back at 1, but we changed our mind. Instead of hitting back home, we decided to go to Birgunj, boarder town. So made lie and boarded the bus.

The problem was: we didn’t have any spare clothes, we didn’t have enough money, and we didn’t know where we were going.

We just hit the road. But there was bandh because of workers’ protest. We were now stranded at place called Jitpur, 25 Km away from Birgunj, not knowing how to reach there. But after some talks and some unconfirmed reports that bandh is over, we again boarded the same bus.

It was yummy!!!

We reached the Birgunj. There was one friend, so we had asked him to find hotel for us. He got us one room, with just one double-bed. We couldn’t get any room with separate beds. (We were also having money-crunch situation). So we decided to take the room. And our friend went back to his own work and now we were on our own.

We threw the bag and roamed around the Birgunj. Had Panipuri, various chats, Lalmohan and all the foods that Birgunj is famous for. Later we adieu the night and went back to room. There are this two funny cable channels which airs new hindi movies. But the problem was, they repeat the same movie whole day and night. We watched tv till 3 and went to sleep. (No nothing happened between us, you evils )

Gateway of Nepal

The next day, we didn’t have any fresh clothes and I was sweating like hell. So what we did was: we soaked our clothes in water and left to dry. The temperature was hovering around 40 (Kathmandu’s maximum temperature is around 33-35 only). We rode Tanga (couldn’t got english term, but remember Basanti and Dhanno from Sholey? Yup, that’s it) and reached Raxual, a boader Indian city. My friend was so excited to see the train and click pictures there. But the first thing that hit us was: Indian Police’s behavior. We didn’t know photos were not allowed at the boarder. They scolded us heavily. (Thank god, we didn’t have to pay fine)

And the city was so polluted and stinky. The roads were all muddy and traffic was in chaos. Everyone called it cheap market, but believe me, nothing was cheap there. Even shopkeepers and other people were hostile to us. They spoke in such rude and direct way, I wondered is this how they treat their customers. Nothing was going ok there. Finally we reached railway station. My friend was desperately searching the train, which was infront of him but he couldn’t recognize it. It was jam-packed. People were over the train, hanging on door and windows. Everywhere there were people. My friend thought it was wall where people are waiting for train. And when it began to move, he was shocked to see that was the train and that’s how people travel.

The muddy road

Thanks to high temperature and my flooding sweats, I suffered from dehydration and terrible headache. So we came back and slept. Later evening, we thought to check the famous pond of Birgunj, but load shading was on. So all we saw was, pitch dark pond. But I happened to see shooting star

And we returned back to hotel and kept on talking.

The trip was awesome. And on last day, something funny happened. In the heat of moment, we ended up kissing each other, very aggressive kissing in fact. (Just kissing, nothing more) I don’t know what happened, but it just happened.

I know I shouldn’t have done that but that was just a moment of fling and I couldn’t help. And it was just an accident.

Anyway, now i know what my office friend wants though.

P.S. after we came back, we haven’t talked about the kissing incident. I know he’s too embarrassed about the situation. And am enjoying his reactions